i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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