Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
