My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
