he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
