I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
