when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
