Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
