Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
this boner is exhausting
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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