question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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