Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
