His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
