i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
