i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Randomize
