Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize