I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize