I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
