Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
