it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
