So drunk its hurt
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
