I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize