WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
How naked do you want me to be?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
