Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I have aggressive nipples.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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