worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize