I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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