Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
