he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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