Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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