just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
