Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
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