haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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