Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Randomize
