weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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