TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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