mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
