Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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