oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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