If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
