And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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