I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
