He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
