I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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