i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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