We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
