Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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