you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Randomize
