Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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