Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
