I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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