I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
