Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize