he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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