where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
