8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
