New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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