he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
