so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
