Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
