Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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