The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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