Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
PANTIES FOUND
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