Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
either way he was missing a nipple.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
