I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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