just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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