I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
