We're like a lot better than the average bears
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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