His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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