Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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