so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i drank out of a bidet.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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