I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
