he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
