if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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