Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
