i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
