I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
