WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I will be naked everywhere
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
