Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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