Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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