Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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