1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
