I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize