It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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