is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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