I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Im part way to drunk.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize