Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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