I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
