Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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