Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
