Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
