but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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